Suddenly had one of those thoughts the other day – the kind that you think are amazing until you think about them a bit more and realise they’re actually not. I was thinking about things that you opt into or opt out of, like sitting out a dance, or deciding to do guitar lessons, or whatever, and I thought, that’s the thing about life, you can’t opt out of it. At least, you can, but only by being dead. There isn’t another life you can have instead, if you don’t like this one. You can’t just go, I don’t know, this is boring, I think I’ll look through some other ones. It’s this one or nothing. That can be depressing (depending on your life). Anyway then I thought, ok, but I guess you can change things ABOUT your life – which is kind of like changing your life, only in bits instead of all at once. There are some people who make things happen anyway and some people who things happen to, and I’m the last sort of person – but luckily the things that happen aren’t too bad and sometimes they’re actually pretty good. I could go on about this for a long time but I decided not to.
Ex-boyfriend making strange noises. The thing about having boyfriends who both come from a gossipy community – Nigerians in Oz – and who know each other and have friends in common, is that there’s always stuff going down the phone lines. So the ex-boyfriend is trying to make out to the current boyfriend, or so it seems, through mutual friends,that I’m calling him and want him back, despite his indifference. What amazes me about this – one of the things that amazes me – is that he’s lying. He always told me ‘I never lie’. Never. He was very convincing. I can’t get over having discovered that not only does he lie, he actually plots. So I decided it’d be easier for everyone if I didn’t speak to him again – current boyfriend will be happy because he’ll think I’m all his (which I am), mutual friends will have nothing to talk about (except ancient history), and ex-boyfriend can get on with his fascinating life. As he’s told me he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and has hinted strongly that he wants me to come up to Melbourne for (I guess) sex, life can’t be too fascinating, but hopefully it’ll improve and he’ll find better things to do with his time than fantasise. I kind of miss the legend I’d constructed though (the man who never, never, lies). Mmm.