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Monthly Archives: December 2007

what blogs need is more whingers

which is why I only write here when I’m whingeing. Actually, I had an idea – what I’ll do, is write all my whinges here, and then when (or if) we split up, I’ll give him the URL as a final present. Anyway, feeling suitably grumpy at the moment.  Christmas seems to be a good time for feeling shitty.  Why? For lots of undefined reasons, mostly to do with HIM, but not all (some are just general discontent – this would be the Winter of it, if we were in the northern hemisphere). 
Firstly, the present. I’m expecting jewellery, maybe a nice dress, perfume, something like that. I get a vase (a really nice vase, mind you).  Do I give the impression that I give a shit about household objects? No. Then why buy me one? Because he has last-minute-itis and was wandering through DJs grabbing things and he thought, this’ll do, I’m sure she’ll like this (she likes everything, after all).  It’s the thought that counts, and that’s exactly what I don’t like.  Secondly, the offhand post-family Xmas party line ‘I think I’ll have some time by myself this weekend-I’ll call you if I feel sad’.  Gee, thanks. And who do I call? Lifeline? Oh no, that’s right, I AM Lifeline, aren’t I!  You don’t have to visit lifeline, you don’t have to have sex with them, all you have to do is call them ‘when you feel sad’.  Thank god I’m useful for something, I was beginning to think I was one of those airy fairy girlfriends who aren’t good for anything much (heavy sarcasm).
And thirdly, the amorphous stuff.  Like the way he undoubtedly thinks he’s brighter than I am, and can ‘charm’ me. Mate, you are wrong about the first one, but – oh well, wrong about the second one as well, sorry.  I can see what you try to do. I ignore it because, well, what else can I do, play-acting seems like an undetachable part of him, but it doesn’t mean I don’t see it.  Some part of him thinks he’s better than other people, and at the same time worse, but in an interesting way (not just by being more stupid or less attractive).  I don’t like how he ‘sucks’ the interesting bits out of people then drops them (so he says).  I don’t like how he says he’ll be at someone’s party and then doesn’t go (especially if it’s mine – luckily haven’t invited him to any for a long while).  I don’t like how he doesn’t keep promises.  Promises are important – promises are MAJOR LEAGUE important, to me.  He thinks the world is unfair, because he’s not earning millions and having bimbos hanging over his arms, like Billy Joel.  That’s just the way it is baby! (that’s a song).  I don’t believe in bad luck, I just believe that when you don’t seize opportunities, network, work hard, have enough talent, whatever – you don’t get the millions and the bimbos.  Unless you’re GW Bush.  Stop whining.
On a lighter note, I told the kids I was thinking of dumping him (I’m not really).  There was a tremendous fuss.  Ms M said she wouldn’t speak to me for 3 weeks if I did, because she really likes him.  And there’s the thing.  They both really like him, they want to impress him, they want to matter to him, because he matters to them – but they don’t.  They’re just the expendable kids of the person he currently (quite) likes to stick his dick into.  Sometimes he complains that he charms people, then they make the mistake of thinking he’s genuinely interested, and invite him to things and so on, so that he has to divest himself of them later on, somehow.  How sweet.  I don’t really know why I like the fucker.  Right now, I don’t, actually.
Oh yes,and the other thing. We’ve been ‘going out’ for a year now, and his ten year old daughter still doesn’t know we have a relationship, officially.  This is because he’s having trouble getting her to want to spend time with him, and her mother and elder sister are weird about this child having contact with ‘other women’.  But look, where do you draw the line!  I think he should bloody well make a banner and put it outside their two storey mansion.  I have a girlfriend.  Her name is Jane.  Have hysterics if you like, but there it is.  (of course, if one of us dumps the other, there will be no need for such histrionics)
And the OTHER thing..why are all his family mad? I mean, of course they can be if they want, it’s not his fault.  But, like, mad (ex) wife, mad daughter, and another one who seems to be extremely short on compassion, if comparatively mentally stable.  What kind of man gets married to that kind of woman, lives with her twenty years or more, and produces two such unpleasant offspring?  It has to SAY something!  Do I have to have a ten year relationship with him in order to fully understand just what it has to say? Probably.
And lastly..I wonder if he realises just how bitchy and horrible I really am.  He says he’s ‘only just beginning to know me.’  My dear, you will NEVER really know me.  Which is why I’m a tad brighter than you will ever be.