All fired up to write something on my blog but then I forgot what I was going to say!
Oh yes. Well the thing is, why do I want my boyfriend’s ex-lover to die in agony – or at the very least roll around screaming in pain? Most of the time I don’t even think about her, but it so happens he mentioned her the other day, reluctantly, because he happened to meet her (and her partner, he put in) at the shops, and they very kindly gave him and his daughter a lift home. So at the mere mention of her name – which I wasn’t allowed to know before in case I got stalking impulses, but I do know now, because it slipped out – my hackles rise, whatever they are, and I remember how very angry I was when I found out about HER – and these violent thoughts start crowding in!
How I’d very much like her to develop a disease, preferably disfiguring and painful – or get run over, or have really bad stomach pains, preferably daily…and why? I’m a peacable person, I hate to see anyone in pain, I can’t even understand – generally – how anyone can bring themselves to inflict pain on another person. I have no comprehension of cruelty, except perhaps to cockroaches and even that makes me uncomfortable. So would I really be that easy if my wish DID come true and I did see The Chinese Girl writhing in front of me? Maybe not.
The Incumbent would say it’s just female jealousy, and get very disapproving. I don’t think it is just jealousy. I used to hate my old boss – a SHE – in the same way – I guess it’s partly a personal dislike thing and partly a feeling of having been injured by the person and of wanting your own back. After all, He Who Can’t Keep his Dick to Himself had two other lovers that I know of while we were dating, and I don’t really mind either of them, personally – one I even quite like, I think. But THIS woman, I loathe deeply. I think it’s because we met once, eyed each other off, and she was a tad cheeky, and I felt I was being deliberately deceived. And of course she was pretty stunning, which makes it all much worse, frankly. Anyway if her name isn’t mentioned for a while, I more or less forget about her.
When I think about it, if even gentle me is prepared to see certain people squashed flat by bulldozers without a qualm, maybe that’s a clue to this problem I’ve been working on in my head for ages – which is, why are people prepared to do really horrible things to other people without caring about their suffering? For instance, in the early twentieth century, Turks went and massacred all these Armenians – men, women, kids, granmas, babies, the lot – and you can still apparently find river beds in Turkey that are full of bones. When you read about it, you wonder, how could they do it? How could you tear a baby from a mother and crack its head open on a tree? But maybe the Turks felt the same way about that Armenian mother and baby as I feel about The Chinese Girl, or about cockroaches. Maybe it’s just about who you’re prepared to include in your brotherhood of man (and other animals) and who’s on the outer – slobbery aliens, cockroaches, slugs, Jews, Armenians, and finally, The Chinese Girl.
Mind you I bet lots of Western women hate Chinese (and other Asian) women, just because Western men are so keen on them. Even the Incumbent says (with a glint in his eye – he’s kind of trying to provoke me) how delightful it (probably) is to have a woman with no expectations who exists only to serve and service you and is slim and cute and has a really small fanny. Put like that it sounds terrible – but the competition for Western men would be African guys, who are svelte and gorgeous and have enormous..potential. Lucky for Aussie guys that there aren’t so many Africans competing on Australian soil at the moment, otherwise you probably wouldn’t see a lot of women’s behinds for dust as they stampeded to earmark one.