I’ve been feeling annoyed lately and while this is probably justified, I’m trying to remind myself, the answer is to sublimate. Or something like that. The thing is, these various things annoy me – the mention of (any) of my sweetie’s lovers, a recent idea he had that (now he has two weeks off from work) he could take most of it off to go up north without me (in face of MY suggestion that, oh goodie, we might be able to spend more time with one another), and, what else, oh yes, no sex last night or this morning. I”m sure there were other things but this was enough to put me off balance in the relationship. On the other hand the poor guy has been very nice, as usual, and has bought me a rather expensive housewarming present, so shouldn’t really feel grim. It’s partly compounded by the feeling that much of the verbal honey being lashed out on me is not real (how can it be, when it’s said with an over enthusiastic grin and lots of hyperbole). Anyway not being real is ‘real’ for him, so no use bringing it up. I just have to accept that this is how he projects himself. And a lot of other things I also have to accept. I’ve been reminding myself that these things would be nothing to the Buddha, who only feels (I suppose, without having looked into it) a sort of ineffable benificence. Not that Im a Buddhist but hey, if you work hard at it, apparently it’s quite blissful, so might as well give it a try. So the thing is to let one’s fists uncurl, one’s claws retract, take a deep breath, think of balloons and sky and clouds and things like that which float away and don’t really concern one. And let one of those things be sweetipie. I can still love him. Only perhaps in the same way you might love someone who’s really sweet, but dead or something, so there’s no point in getting your knickers in a twist about them, no point in, for instance, getting possessive. Say, someone in a book. Let go of sweetipie, let go of concerns about possessions like curtains and heaters (which bother me a lot at the moment because I don’t have enough of them), let go of evil thoughts about irrelevant others (like that Chinese girl), let go of all these little things over which I’m trying to exercise some control when of course I have very little (I can’t after all make her die of something and just as well), just live in this world and be happy.
Anyway if I remind myself regularly it may become a habit.