Last night an ‘old flame’ (well sort of, more of an old flicker really) came round to discuss business (writing business that is, yes really) and got carried away reclining by my very nice wood fire. He started off with the hands (always a good start, I’m sure many guys have found – at least so I’ve noticed) then progressed onto the hair, and by slow stages, got to the kiss, the grope, and the indecent suggestion (pretty indecent, since my daughter was downstairs playing her Ipod at the time).
So anyway, attached as I am, I let this all happen, in fact I participated in the kiss, did a little reluctant stroking of my own (mostly of the ‘ok here’s a pat now settle down, good boy!’ type if only he’d known), and took a rain check on the suggestion (he can renew it when he brings round more wood for my fire, or not, as the case may be). He started talking about sex, how he thought me and sweetipie (not that he calls him that) made a good looking couple and would probably look great having sex, how he once watched another couple having sex and then had it off with his girlfriend in the same room, how amazing it was, and so on and so forth. As usual, I said, whatever turns you on – and felt awfully straight, since I don’t really go for this sort of thing.
I’m SO boring – I just like candle light, lots of soft words and kissing and so forth, and then some very straightforward sex, preferably on a bed, in one of the top five positions. With just one guy, no girls, and no observers (I make an exception for snogging in clubs and on beaches though). And now I’m getting old, I like it with someone I love. Which doesn’t describe the Lord (yes apparently he really is a Lord, at least so he says, though unfortunately without castle, mansion, etc). I think I’d be quite happy NOT to have sex with Mr Experimental, actually. It’s just that refusing seems to be beyond me. I don’t know why. I”m sure I could do it if I tried. I’d just really rather he didn’t ask, or just stuck to hand stroking.
I also did something else wicked (more wicked than the groping, actually). I confided in the Lord that sweetipie, while being a lovely man, sometimes gives the impression of being a bit fake. Ok so he’s REAL nice, underneath the fake nice – but it’s odd, and takes a bit of getting used to. I think I was trying to temper the Lord’s admiration for my sweetipie, because he keeps telling me what an impression he (sweetipie) made on him. He makes an impression on just about everyone. It’s mildly annoying – maybe it wouldn’t be if it was matched by the same number of sweetipie’s friends who were lost in admiration of moi.
Anyway I know I did the wrong thing, because sweetipie is not to be discussed with third parties, especially third parties who have their hands down your pants. HE doesn’t care if I’m faithful – so that’s an excuse of a kind – I think it’s more that I’m doing something I don’t entirely want to do – and yet I must want to do it a bit, otherwise I guess I wouldn’t. Would I?