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Oh God, please, I think I’m about to…fake another one!

I’ve never, in my life, had a genuine orgasm while I was having sex with a person other than me. AND if I had ten dollars for every time a man told me ‘I bet I can fix that’, I’d now have enough for a reasonably expensive dinner.

Actually, it’d almost be worth me paying THEM ten dollars not to try. I don’t CARE if I don’t have an orgasm. I can reach untold heights of pleasure, I can experience beautiful sensations, I can have a wonderful time, I don’t NEED to have an orgasm.

If I want an orgasm, I can have it afterwards, on my own.  Sure, if an orgasm happened along, I wouldn’t say, no, get away, you filthy thing!  But the thing is, I know exactly what’s required to which bits to make it happen, and nobody else does, even if I tell them. So either I lie there saying ‘Right!’, ‘Left’, ‘Harder’, ‘No no not so hard…hang on slow down a bit there…wait, faster now, not TOO fast..’ like some kind of demented forklift driver – or I just give up and go ‘Sure, I came.’  Happy now?

Well, I do the latter. And I do it pretty damn well, because most of my lovers don’t even know that it was all a big pretend. I think some of them suspect, owing to the lack of ‘contractions’ and the suspiciously short recovery time – but men WANT to believe you’ve had one, as passionately as some women want to believe a man isn’t just in it for the fuck, so they tend to collude with you in kidding themselves.

Because I don’t really want a man hanging over me putting forth all his arts and efforts trying to get me to do something I’m just not going to do – but I feel I OUGHT to be able to do, and if I’m not able to do, well he might just go elsewhere to someone who CAN oblige.  It’s performance pressure and I don’t like it any more than a man would.  If I like a guy, whatever he puts out, is delightful as far as I’m concerned, and that’s all that I need. I don’t need the Mighty Orgasm, because I – surprise surprise – am not a Man.

Apologies to those women who do need orgasms and are not therefore less women – but you know, there must be at least a quarter of us who really find the whole orgasm requirement quite a drag. And yeah, I know faking orgasms is WRONG.

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8 responses »

  1. I believe a woman learns to fake the orgasm at least five or so years before she ever has her first. It’s expected of us. We are women. We are complicated creatures whose pleasure center has compartments and folds and textures and moisture, things that stick out, places to put things, perhaps a bit of hair, perhaps none. Whereas the opposite sex simply has one external organ that points clearly toward his object of affection whenever he gets in “the mood”. The most complicated thing about a man’s whole “situation” are the balls that generate his man juice, and conveniently, they generally require little to no stimuli in order for the man to acheive orgasm. By comparison, a vagina is far too complex for the gentleman of average intelligence to decode.

    Is it their own fault? Because they’ve desensitized themselves with far too many DIY handjobs using little more than the lotion of some unfortunate female relative? Or because they simply refuse to believe anything more than inserting object P into figure V for X number of times using various speeds and measures of force is frivolous? Maybe…

    Or maybe it’s our fault. For not caring whether or not they ever learn and therefore allowing partner after partner to make deposits with very little return on investment on our end.

  2. PostModernSingle

    As a woman who doesn’t have any problem having orgasms, I still completely agree with you. I don’t NEED one. I hate it when a guy asks. I hate feeling pressure to have one just so he feels like a better lover. A good lover listens to his partner and is happy she’s happy. Guys just don’t seem to believe it is possible to be satisfied without. They think that you saying so is just trying to make them feel better. No. forcing/faking an orgasm is what we do to make them feel better.

    • Thanks for that, I’m glad you said so. I wish I WAS a woman who didn’t have any problems having orgasms, that said, I’m pretty happy not having them too.

    • Dudes, are you serious? I am all for choosing what you enjoy, but don’t say: ‘I hate it when a guy wants to GIVE ME PLEASURE. The stupid asshole!’. Seriously, women are being raped and beaten and otherwise abused by their ‘partners’, so don’t ‘hate’ it when men want you to have an orgasm. Just perhaps feel happy you are being appreciated, and then politely decline the orgasm offer.

      • I don’t hate it. I think it’s sweet. But in reality there is a certain amount of pressure to achieve that orgasm. If you say you can’t have one, the guy often says ‘that’s because you haven’t tried ME’ – or they’re just really disappointed. So it seems the easy way out is to fake that you had one, then everyone’s happy. It’s just my way of saying ‘thanks for trying’.

  3. If I may be so bold as to throw a gentleman’s opinion into the mix, a little late into the game, it very indelicate for a man to ask a woman if she’s had an orgasm after intercourse. However, in the same way that some women feel fulfilled merely be being able to provide sexual release to their partner without the NEED of an orgasm from a penis, many men cannot attain orgasm easily unless they believe their partner is also experiencing orgasm. A large part of this is not a male female divide but rather insecure individuals. When a man is insecure about his own worth and sexuality, he may be more inclined to want to receive a “good job, honey” from his partner. Similarly, a woman who is insecure in her identity and sexuality may feel the need to “play along” so as not to seem as if she is frigid or unresponsive. Security in yourself is the first step in a healthy relationship. The next is good and honest communication. If both are secure enough and are honest enough, then a lot of the added expectations that people bring to sex (my worth as a lover is determined by my ability to cause orgasm, or you only play along because you think I’m stupid enough to be tricked) can be, pardon the pun, laid aside. Further proof that this is not a gender specific issue comes form several recent studies that were released showing the amount of men who fake orgasms is quickly rising, as well as similar dynamics between partners appearing in gay and lesbian couples as well. Addressing insecurities brought about by unrealistic cultural expectations and personal self esteem issues is the real answer to this problem of fake orgasm and sexual expectations.

    Mr Knightley

    • I couldn’t agree more. The reason I pretend to have an orgasm during sex is precisely that – to leave the man with a feeling of having done well. And he HAS done well, usually – I’ve had a wonderful time, I just haven’t clicked over the orgasm threshhold. In some ways, that’s good, because it means I’m not done – I can go on for a long time experiencing really great ‘highs’, but once I’ve actually come, that’s it for me – roll over and go to sleep time. All that you say about motivations and trends in faking orgasms makes perfect sense. Let’s all relax and just enjoy whatever happens without putting expectations into the mix.



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