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The Dilemma of Hairless Hank

This is not a blog about my internet dating adventures. I don’t HAVE internet dating adventures. I blog. It’s one or the other.

HOWEVER I do have a dilemma I’d like someone out there to help me with.

A tall goodlooking stranger on a dating site sends me a Kiss.

I reply with the site-scripted version of “Sure, whatever”.

He replies with an email. He sounds like a reasonably nice guy, nothing amazing in the brains department, but he can spell.

I look down at the bottom of the email and see his name is Hank. And he lives in X.  And he works at Y. And I think, hmmm.  This sounds an awful lot like a friend of my best mate who’s a mad keen proselytising Christian and is waging a war to the death on body hair.  The guy who invited my (male) mate round for a beer and then offered to show him his nipple rings and scrotum waxing equipment.

So I ask my friend, and guess what, it’s the SAME guy.  So what do I do now?  Bearing in mind that because of the Karmic Challenge, I gotta be NICE!

Do I say ‘I’m sorry for the inconvenience and expense but I can already tell you’re not the one.  Best wishes for the future.”


“You ever heard the story of Rapunzel? Well, I’m just like her, only when my prince says ‘Let down your hair’, I just take my underpants off.”


“I’m a militant atheist, I hope you’re down with that. Richard Dawkins is my hero! Yesterday I put the Bible down the toilet, by the way – cost me a fortune in plumber’s fees but it was worth it just to see that bunny BOIL!”

About butimbeautiful

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16 responses »

  1. NormalDeviations

    If those are the options, why the indecision? All three, in the same message, of course. (You choose the order.)

    • That’s an idea. It’d be pretty funny. Only, really, it’s not his fault I know his friend – so I might have to sacrifice a good laugh to the bonfire ‘do unto others’!

      • NormalDeviations

        Ahhh… I get a little too goofy when I get too much sleep!

        Should there be this dilemma? You say he’s not bad looking, reasonably communicative, and he put forth the effort for initial contact. Worth giving him a chance? Maybe his… quirks… were only applicable in the right context?

      • Thanks but no – hairless and me don’t mix. Even if I liked his hairlessness, he’d HATE my hairiness. I really think I need to spare him that, in the name of compassion.

  2. I’m sorry, I know you’ll lose lots of karma points on this one, but, you owe it to the rest of us girls who would never be caught dead in the arms of a proseltyzing Pete, to just go with option number three! (okay, I know, you don’t actually owe us anything, but I think that is THE most respectable response!)

  3. P.S. A few months back I dated a guy who was pretty hairless…I was naive, I actually said to him “You must be more native American than you think…you have hardly ANY body hair.” To his credit, he spared me instant mortification by waiting till the next day to ask me “You DO realize that I shave my whole body, don’t you?”

    I hadn’t…like I said, naive!

  4. I am so tempted to forward this blog post on to someone, so tempted… But you can stop me by knitting that sweater, you know, made from your excess body hair… My mum used to spin yarn from fluff, maybe she can help with this project 🙂

    • I’m sure your mum would love to help! But whaddya mean ‘excess’? ‘Excess’ implies there is some of it I can do without – whereas in fact I’m very fond of it all and hoard it carefully (as they say in Game of Thrones, Winter is Coming!).

  5. LOL! Your “Rapunzel” line is priceless! 😀


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