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New lamps for old!!

I’ve noticed in my travels here on WordPress that there are lots of people who have sailed their frail boats onto the snarly rocks of love and are being smashed up against them as we speak.  The following is, I hope, a cheerful story about Old and New, and how what seems like the end of all one’s hopes can sometimes be the beginning of something SO much better!

Once upon a time, a Princess met a Prince and was dazzled by his mastery of all things musical, scientific and linguistic.  He could play a grand piano, for God’s sake, AND he wasn’t too bad looking, considering.

They fell madly in love, but cracks soon began to appear.  The Prince began to drop hints that, although his love was true, his other bits were keen for a little wander about the playgrounds of the boring little city in which they both live.  The Princess smiled to herself and said, yeah right, in his dreams (thinking that advancing age would probably put a bit of a spanner in the works).

That is, until he turned up weeping one night to confess that yes, he had sinned, and with someone young and gorgeous (and not only that, but with a number of ladies of more doubtful charms and mature years).  Well, the Princess told him never to darken the doorstep again, naturally – but within two weeks he was back, protesting that it had all been a misunderstanding and promising that he’d never do it again.

Not, at least, until the next time, when the Princess found out the hard way that the Prince had been seeing another lady on the side for the last year.  This time the storm was bigger, fiercer – and yet, the Prince declared that his love for her was undying, the other was but a fleeting interest, he would attend – and pay for – counselling, and..they struggled on.

Six months later, the Princess was aghast (not really) to discover that the Prince was STILL having it off with the Other Woman.  AT that point, she threw him over for good and has since refused to enter into further correspondence on the matter.

But now the Princess was without a Prince. So she went to the shop and picked out a nice new one, who appeared to have none of the faults of the older model.  She took him home and has been enjoying his many delightful and convenient attributes ever since.

For instance –

The Old Model bought ‘virtual flowers’ for Valentine’s Day. The New Model buys REAL flowers and lots of them.

The Old Model whinged constantly about his depression. The NEW model doesn’t HAVE depression. Or whinge.

The Old Model was getting a bit droopy in the masculinity department. The NEW model is, well, simply magnificent.

The Old Model never had anything for the Princess to eat for breakfast, at his place. The NEW Model buys her favourite cereal and grape juice drink!

The Old Model had, so he said, a Huge Brain – but couldn’t fix a tap to save himself. The New Model has a very adequate brain and can fix ANYTHING – including hearts.

In fact, you don’t realise how crappy the old model is until you get a new model.  Then everything becomes clear and you think – why did I wait so long!  Rush out and buy one now! (and put the other one in the recycling, he’ll be useful for spare parts if nothing else).

About turnipsforbreakfast

Rose has two blogs, www.butimbeautiful.wordpress.com, and www.turnipsforbreakfast.wordpress.com. Enjoy!

24 responses »

  1. That is assuming the princess is willing to test drive a “new” model prince. 🙂 At my age the “new models” are all “old models” who are hoping that the princess won’t notice they’re still the same old guys.

    Someday I’m going to write a post about dating in the 60’s and I’m not talking about the 1960’s.

    I think my “favorite” was the “coffee date” who ranted and raved about biker chicks wanting sex on the first date (I kept looking over my shoulder just to check for one – there wasn’t) and when he exited his rant he inquired what I did for a living and I looked down at my business suit and replied, “Oh, I’m a lawyer.” He blushed and said, “I guess I blew it, didn’t I?” and I said, “Yup, you sure did.” And then there was the… but that’s a topic for another day, isn’t it? LOL

    Reply
    • Yes, I guess they are old models really. But new to me! Dating in your sixties can’t be easy – it’s not that easy in your late forties either! It’s funny when men are undiscriminating – they just want company, don’t care who you are really. Mind you, my most recent relationship has taught me how good some men can be – that I don’t have to put up with crap because it is possible for me to be treated really really well! That matters to me because my previous exes have often said something like ‘well I’m as good as it gets really,’ and ‘you expect too much’. Now I know it wasn’t true.

      Reply
      • Dating in your 40’s is “easy-peasy” as one of my gal-pals likes to say. At my age (and I don’t look my age nor act it) I find that the guys who are not married and cheating tend to be morbidly obese, closet smokers who try to convince me they don’t smoke (a non-smoker KNOWS), alcoholics, are mainlining insulin, have significant health problems relating to obesity and diabetes, are obsessed with sex without the ability to do anything about it without a “little blue pill” which they tell me they carry with them and so on and so forth. I fear I have little interest in being a nurse to some fellow whose idea of exercise is lifting fork to mouth and gets cute with me by telling me I can exercise all I want and he’ll just watch. Then there are the “woo woo” guys who think there are gray aliens under the White House, the Lizard People who wear human skins and raise humans as cattle and the orb chasers who did just a bit too much LSD in the 60’s. You know, I met fewer dotty people when I was in social work and had psychotics and schizophrenics on the caseload. LOL ! It has been a year since I’ve been on a date and I’m thrilled with the prospect of another dateless year. Me? Jaded? Well, okay, yes. Oh, and best of luck to you. I met my ex in my 40’s. You don’t want to hear how that turned out. Ever heard of the movie “Out of Africa”? Just reverse it… Cheers!

      • Interesting. INTO Africa? What are Lizard People? Yeah, I can well believe that it gets harder. I don’t look my age either – but still, finding a man who’s attractive enough for me to want to hop into bed with, never mind interesting to talk to and reasonably intelligent, is a bit tricky. Right now, like you, I don’t care too much – I’m busy writing and hanging out with my friends, so it’s all good. Btw I didn’t stick with the ‘New Lamp’ because we had differing ideas on a few things – but he really is the most wonderful person, and we’re still friends. Even if I never have another relationship, I’ll think of him with great fondness, and maybe think a bit better of men and people in general because of him.

  2. While I am quite happy with the model I have, with no interest in trading, I am ecstatic the princess and the new model are happy together. Which is how it should always be.
    I love a happy ending!

    Reply
  3. I personally think that dating in my early 50’s, while still full of pain and heartache, is still soooo much better, mostly because I’ve stopped seeing blame (there’s or mine!), and just think that some things work out, some things don’t, and (I so wish I knew this in my 20’s!) I just won’t put up with things that make me unhappy!

    Now, do they have these shops of which you speak in the U.S., or do I have to order from OZ?

    Reply
  4. PostModernSingle

    Amen. It’s a pretty fabulous feeling. Sometimes the shopping phase takes a long time though.

    Reply
  5. hilarious post. but the undercurrent is very tempting.

    Reply
  6. You know my dream, and maybe this is a male dream, but I’d prefer to buy my dream partner in parts. I’d buy this bit here and that bit there and the composite would be just perfect I think. But from my experience, practially speaking, we live in the world of averages and settle for the model with the most positive features (when you take the negatives off).

    But Rose I love the concept and just wish this chainstore approach would be rolled out everywhere.

    C.S.
    (I only hope some of my bits make it to the catalogue)

    Reply
  7. No No, I want to buy my bits at a ChainStore after they have been cut off with the ChainSaw, not BeFore the ChainSaw. On the score of ChainSaws, must have been a very interesting discussion between the two guys out in the western suburbs of Sydney the other night. It apparently ended when they decided to start donating their own body parts using a ChainSaw and a Machette. Lovely suburb, must remember NOT to visit there…

    http://www.news.com.au/national/man-nearly-loses-arm-in-chainsaw-attack/story-e6frfkvr-1226344179529/

    CS
    (but thanks for the idea, I should have followed your Chain of thought and Saw it coming, knowing you Rose as I do)

    Reply
  8. Love it. So true – it takes a new love interest to well and truly forget about the old one. And to make you realise that the old one wasn’t all that.

    Reply
  9. I am very glad that this Princess found her New Model and that she got what she deserved, after suffering from the poor treatment she got from her Old Model, who definitely didn’t deserve to have her.

    Reply
  10. Pingback: Claddon’t « PMS:PostModernSingle

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