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The Get Stuffed School of Romance

I’m bringing my daughter up in what I like to call the ‘GET STUFFED‘ school of romance.  The theory goes like this.

  • Men are desperate for sex.
  • Women therefore don’t have to do anything in particular to attract them.

So my advice to Ms M is this – if anyone ever suggests you should do anything painful, boring or stupid so men will like you better, just say the magic words.  GET STUFFED.  (And I’m not referring to the sexual meaning of the term, here.)  If all the women in the world did this, men would just HAVE to fall into line.

“I’d want to have sex with you more if you painted your toenails.”

“Mmm…30 minutes sitting stock still with toes in separator, waiting for nail polish to dry, when could be out practising my karate kicks….GET STUFFED!

“Have you ever thought about getting a brazilian?”

“Let’s see…10 minutes of intense pain and embarrassment followed by redness, itching and the kind of stubble normally only seen on Brad Pitt, to be repeated at 3 weekly intervals, so I can look like an uncooked chicken fillet?…I’ll take that on notice.”

“Why don’t you pay attention to me when I’m trying to tell you about computer programming/my horrible ex-girlfriends/my 10,000 page trilogy about someone just like me who gets to dress up in a tight space suit and shoot plasma beams? If you’re not careful I’ll just go and find someone who will!”

“Mmm, that’s a hard one…..alright, off you go then.”

Three days later they’d all be back with aching balls and a much more cooperative attitude.

I didn’t write this by the way – this was Sexist Susie the Hairy-Lipped Man Hater from Hobart.  Thanks Susie!

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20 responses »

  1. You should also teach her the “look of incredulity” followed by “uncontrollable laughter”.

  2. Ok Rose,

    The concept of the ‘Get Stuffed’ school of romance, very interesting. Although being a bloke, I probably can’t agree that females should be using our ‘treat them mean, and keep them keen’ strategy that us guys have been using since the stone age (although it must obviously work for you…) But I’ll agree with your proposition that… ‘Most men are desperate for sex’, but I’m not so sold on the concept of ‘women therefore don’t have to do anything in particular to attract them’. I think even you (and most other women) stoop to using some of their female weaponary to get their way with guys… (even if the more feminist amongst you claim not to). Women have natural advantages over us guys in this department, and whereas we wear business suits etc, it’s quite ok for females to go wandering around the office is a short skirt, plunging top with black stockings (and I know you have quite a few of those from what I’ve seen). Look if you (and womenkind in generally) were really serious, you’d be walking around in potato sacks (if it was comfortable)…

    Seriously, I just don’t swallow this arguement, all women dip their feet in the pool, i.e. use their femine charms and attributes, it’s just the depth that they dive in that varies…

    I can almost hear the hate mail coming now…

    Capt. Savage
    (An occasional victim to the charms of women)

    • But as I said before, CS, if we all stick together and don’t do a darned thing – the men will come! How can they not? It’s just a question of holding your nerve. And as you know I have quite a lot of that.

  3. By the way Rose, my implication it that you can’t help yourself, even by doing nothing most women are doing something to their male ‘victims’… You women just can’t help yourselves, and we blokes love the torture BTW…

  4. I’m liking Sexist Susie and loving, as always, your humour. When my marriage broke up, one of my friends said to me, “I have two words for you, girlfriend: bikini wax.” At the time it made me laugh, but there is sad truth in the statement.

    Not quite ready to give up on the lipstick – and definitely not on the hair colour yet, though.

    By the way, Captain Savage seems to think that we women are flouting our sexual power when we wear skirts to work, while the men are dressed (demurely) in their suits. And there’s no sexual power in a suit, Captain Savage? I know one or two women (me included) for whom a suit is like cat nip….

    • A suit on the right man can be pretty sexy. Though I prefer an open necked shirt, enough buttons undone so you get a glimpse of hairy chest, ball-hugging jeans, and a big belt!

  5. Too funny! I love how it she has it all figured out. Great advice to anyone with a lame boyfriend! Hahaha! She has a great name BTW…. 🙂

  6. Hairy Lipped Susie, got to meet her sometime, sounds like a lot of fun. But a bit of a ball breaker, sometimes Rose you sound just like her 🙂

  7. you know girl, women who want to get rid of male attention get more of it, men never commit, so none gets committed men and every miserable woman gets more than her share of stalking from men.

    you did chalked out men-women relationship perfectly.

    • Do you think so? I don’t know a lot about men, despite having had millions of boyfriends. I don’t get stalked that much – probably would like a bit more stalking come to think of it, though it depends on the stalkers. But I do think a powerful attitude is a great thing to have, as a woman. None of this ‘I’ll pretend to be stupid/plaster myself in makeup/pretend I like football so HE likes me’ stuff!

  8. Pingback: No, your bum looks fine in that. Really!!! « Captsavage's Blog

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