I’m bringing my daughter up in what I like to call the ‘GET STUFFED‘ school of romance. The theory goes like this.
- Men are desperate for sex.
- Women therefore don’t have to do anything in particular to attract them.
So my advice to Ms M is this – if anyone ever suggests you should do anything painful, boring or stupid so men will like you better, just say the magic words. GET STUFFED. (And I’m not referring to the sexual meaning of the term, here.) If all the women in the world did this, men would just HAVE to fall into line.
“I’d want to have sex with you more if you painted your toenails.”
“Mmm…30 minutes sitting stock still with toes in separator, waiting for nail polish to dry, when could be out practising my karate kicks….GET STUFFED!
“Have you ever thought about getting a brazilian?”
“Let’s see…10 minutes of intense pain and embarrassment followed by redness, itching and the kind of stubble normally only seen on Brad Pitt, to be repeated at 3 weekly intervals, so I can look like an uncooked chicken fillet?…I’ll take that on notice.”
“Why don’t you pay attention to me when I’m trying to tell you about computer programming/my horrible ex-girlfriends/my 10,000 page trilogy about someone just like me who gets to dress up in a tight space suit and shoot plasma beams? If you’re not careful I’ll just go and find someone who will!”
“Mmm, that’s a hard one…..alright, off you go then.”
Three days later they’d all be back with aching balls and a much more cooperative attitude.
I didn’t write this by the way – this was Sexist Susie the Hairy-Lipped Man Hater from Hobart. Thanks Susie!