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Shifting portrait

To him, with indifference

I gave freedom.

He had it already.


He played the tunes we’d listened to in bed.  There was

Comfort against many strangers.

The old intimacy, but not quite.

Fascination, for the shifting portrait I drew.

An unfinished episode.



But not dependence.

Forgetting isn’t easy, even now with you.

He was a game I couldn’t win.

If I’d had him and you in either palm,

I wouldn’t even keep a silence once a year,

I wouldn’t ever yearn,

For him.

This was a poem I wrote a very long time ago. I was thinking, how little things have changed.  It could have been about so many relationships I’ve had since.  Playing games I couldn’t win.  I have to break the mould!!

About butimbeautiful

Rose has two blogs,, and Enjoy!

20 responses »

  1. Change is always possible. And yes, I know that it is so much easier said, than done… But I still believe that change for the better begins by believing within ourselves that change truly is possible, combined with a refusal to accept that the mistakes and misdirections of our past, must continue to define our present way of life.

    We need to identify what we want and need to change, and then plan for how we can make these changes happen. Then we must take the actions required to make the changes become our new reality. It’s a daily discipline that requires daily practice to succeed. There WILL be setbacks and discouragements… But success is often attained by a series of falls and recoveries, and there is no permanent failure in falling down, just as long as we can find the will to get back up again, and never give in to giving up.

    • I think what you say is very true. But I also think the reason the same stuff keeps happening to the same people is because they ARE the same people – a bread machine produces bread, a coffee machine produces coffee, and so on. So the only hope is to become a different person..

  2. Very touching poem.

  3. I especially love the line “I wouldn’t even keep a silence once a year”.

  4. Deliberately Delicious

    Wow, Rose. I want to see more of this poetry you wrote a long time ago. I am with Hollyanne on the line “I wouldn’t even keep a silence once a year.” I also really like, “He was a game I couldn’t win.”

  5. Very moving poem Rose, yep breaking the mould, must be the season for it!!! All I can say is have courage and go for it. CS

  6. whiteladyinthehood

    That was a wonderful poem. I hope you find in this life whatever you want/need. (I really liked the comment Chris left – it really struck a chord with me)

    • Yep, Chris’s comments are always very thoughtful. And yet, there you and Chris are, happily snuggled up with the persons of your dreams..wish it was me. (or maybe I don’t. Maybe that’s why it eludes me).

      • whiteladyinthehood

        You’re right…I’m very lucky to be with someone after 25 years and we still like each other and make each other laugh. (I wanna choke him sometimes, though) Were the only couple from our group of friends from way back in the 80’s that stayed together.

  7. Break that mold, break it! Lovely poem, btw. Isn’t it strange when we go back and look at what we felt and what we wrote from so long ago, and finding out it still fit?

  8. Noeleen’s sister exercises her right of reply at:


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