Every now and again I watch an old movie, or go to an expensive restaurant, and I get the Urge to be Elegant. I imagine what it would be like if, just once, I wore a black cocktail dress and stockings without ladders and the Right shoes, and my hair was all smooth and perfectly styled, and my makeup was just so (well, just HAVING makeup on would be a start), and I hadn’t forgotten to paint and buff my fingernails and shave my legs and tweak my brows and sandpaper off those rough bits on the back of my heels….ah!
And all would look, and be Impressed. What a perfectly groomed specimen, they would say. You can see SHE really looks after herself. How polished! How poised!
Well why don’t you then? says my best friend, unanswerably.
Because…because…because I’m me and I can’t be bothered. The Right Shoes are uncomfortable and I always think of something else I’d rather spend $150 on. Ok my hair isn’t groomed but then it only takes two minutes to get it that way – meaning I can start dressing for The Occasion twenty minutes before I have to be out the door rather than two hours before. I don’t LIKE makeup, it makes my eyes itchy and my skin look like someone else’s skin and besides, I’m crap at putting it on.
So I’ll just dream. But one day, yes, one day – I WILL be suave! Just once.