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Sex, Politics and Hotmail: Chapter 11: At the party

A Tale of Two Women and their Push Up Bras

In a country not that far away, at a time not very long ago, a nerd with time on her hands hacked into the email accounts of two well-known women. She passed the shocking results on to a friend..who passed them on to a friend…who published them on this blog.  Can you guess who these women are?

THE STORY SO FAR….(Chapters One to Ten)

Olivia’s finally taken the plunge – and joined the Liberal Party. That’s Republican, in American.

oliviah@hotmail.com

Everyone’s so friendly! I thought I’d be nervous meeting all these new people but you know, already I’m quite into the swing of it!

I know you think all blue ribbon liberal supporters must be awful twats with beehive hairdos but they’re honestly not – the people I’ve met come from all walks of life.  Plumbers, real estate agents, property developers, even a housewife or two!  Everyone is very committed to the cause, which is just wonderful! And they’re all so welcoming!  Invitations to coffee, and luncheons, and outings to the theatre – everyone is so kind!

And the local member seems very pleasant.  Of course he’s rather fat, well obese really, you know that sort of weight that sort of balloons around the middle…one wonders how he manages to keep his trousers up.  Too many fundraising dinners, I expect.  He and Steve are on one of those charitable Boards together, but I’ve never really had much to do with him until now.

People say he’s a little racist but I think that’s probably just unkind gossip. After all his wife is Vietnamese, so how can he possibly be racist?  By the way she is rather rotund too.  Of course it wouldn’t be politically correct to say anything, but one wonders if she’s some kind of mail order bride (though think of the postage charges!). And imagining what it must be like for the two of them, rolling around on top of each other like seals on a waterbed!  Honestly I don’t know how these people manage to connect A to B? Or perhaps they are past all that kind of thing.  I know, I really shouldn’t think about it, tres offputting!

purplerose@hotmail.com

So who is the local member? Anyone I know?

oliviah@hotmail.com

Clive Hamilton-Hogg. He’s not that well known at a national level but in state politics I believe he’s quite a mover and shaker.  And so sweet.  Do you know, he offered to buy me a drink the other day because he said he’d love to chat to someone who’s across the issues facing ordinary Australians.  And we had a lovely talk about family values, and the problems facing parents of teenagers today, and I even told him a little about Victoria, and he was very interested!  As if I was really someone!

purplerose@hotmail.com

Oh him! Isn’t he the guy that says we should sink the boats and ban personal lubricant? Well whatever I don’t give a shit about politics anyway these days.  I only ever got involved in the first place cause of that guy whose name I can’t remember with the cute arse.

You don’t fancy him do you? I mean Hogg?

oliviah@hotmail.com

Oh God no! Heavens!  He’s, well, he seems to be a lovely man and very committed, but physically, oh absolutely not.

Which reminds me, do you ever have an impulse to tell someone you don’t know very well- or at all – that they really shouldn’t be buying Mars Bars by the crate?  Only of course one would never do such a thing.  But it IS tempting.  Or, for instance, all these people one passes on the street SMOKING – some of them not out of their teens yet.  One wants to tap them on the shoulder and say, excuse me, have you SEEN those mouth cancer advertisements?  And, do you realise that if you saved the money you currently spend on that filthy habit, you could afford to dress decently instead of in a lurid track suit from K Mart and Payless joggers?

purplerose@hotmail.com

Yeah it’s tempting sometime.  I hate those women who look so frigging up themselves don’t you? The ones with the dyed blonde hair and the god aren’t I fantastic look on their faces.  Can’t stand them, I always want to tell them they’ve got pigeon shit on their streaks.

Nah, I leave people alone really, just as long as they don’t tell me I look like something the cat sicked up I’m not gonna mention their horrible shit either.  Why, do you?

oliviah@hotmail.com

Constantly, darling!  I suppose that’s what motivates me to go into politics, you know…the idea of having a platform.  There are so many improvements one could make to the lives of the disadvantaged, don’t you feel?

purplerose@hotmail.com

You mean like raising the dole or something? Aren’t you on the wrong side for all that mate?

oliviah@hotmail.com

 Of course not!  I mean providing a good example, in terms of style for instance, and helpful advice about raising children not to swear or have their hair cut in rats-tails, and what a vegetable looks like.  I mean, if people are to have a nanny state, one might as well make a good job of it, don’t you think?

About turnipsforbreakfast

Rose has two blogs, www.butimbeautiful.wordpress.com, and www.turnipsforbreakfast.wordpress.com. Enjoy!

5 responses »

  1. Oh dear – Olivia sounds likes she’s going to be one of those politicians that does it all for our own good.

    Reply
  2. whiteladyinthehood

    mail order bride (though think of the postage charges!). I laughed so hard at that!

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Sex, Politics and Hotmail: Chapter 12: At the bottom of the Greasy Pole « An Etiquette Guide for Sluts

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