Fired up by reading The Seneca Scourge, by Carrie Rubin, I decided to write a small tribute in the form of fan fiction…(with apologies to Carrie – but really, read the book, it’s better than Michael Crichton and much less right wing). Only, you may want to start building your millennial hideout now. The pandemic is coming!
The Scene: Dr Knight’s flat. Dr Knight (tall, blonde, brilliant) and Dr Jones (tall, dark, yummy) have just stumbled in after a night on the town.
Dr Knight: Oh, Casper..! Your kiss is divine..just like I knew a GQ model’s would be. Tell me…
Dr Jones: Anything, my darling!
Dr Knight: Do you believe in time travel?
Dr Jones: Well, technically (as his hand creeps down the back of her skinny jeans) time only goes in one direction. Or so it appears. Einstein said that the faster you go, the slower time goes. So if you go at the speed of light, which is the fastest possible speed, there IS no time. For you. See what I mean, darling?
Dr Knight: Yes! Yes! Your dimples are entrancing. But what if you went FASTER than light??
Dr Jones: Then I guess…you’d go backwards in time. Then when you wanted to start moving into the future again, you’d put the brakes on. (Your buttocks are delicious. Do you jog?) You with me?
Dr Knight: Can I be? (by this time she has unbuttoned his shirt and is stroking his short, tightly curled chest hair)
Dr Jones: Forever!
Dr Knight: But how can that be? What’s the speed of light got to do with the price of eggs anyway?
Dr Jones: (struggling, as all men do, with bra clips) You know when you look out at the stars – say Alpha Centauri – the reason you can SEE them is cause the light from THERE has come all the way HERE and hit your eyeballs. Right? But by the TIME it gets HERE, things have moved on THERE. So for all you know, Alpha Centauri could have disappeared a million years ago, but the light wave doesn’t know that – it started out way before.
Dr Knight: I..totally…see what you mean…Here, let me do it! There, that’s better. So time travel is really information travel. It’s like..beating the postman to the mail box? (struggles with Dr Jones’ massive belt buckle, as women often do) God this is so BIG!
Dr Jones: Oh, yeah baby! That’s it. But hang on – what IS time anyway? Watch that zip, sweetheart – awful things can happen when..
Dr Knight: Time? (mmm…ahhhh) It’s, ah, change, isn’t it? And change is, umm, motion? So maybe motion is time…(much heavy breathing) and everything else is just information….and time travel is just information in motion…what do you think?
Dr Jones: Um…maybe. I may have to bring in a colleague on that one. (rolls over and reaches towards the bedside table, while Dr Knight admires his rippling pectoids – is this a real word?) Just hang on a sec while I blow my nose…