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Screw the six month rule

Read any book on how to develop a lasting relationship and it’ll say, wait till you’ve thoroughly checked him out before you fuck.

Fucking, they say, leads to emotional connection, and you don’t want one of those until you’ve established you are intellectually, spiritually and culturally compatible.  So if you meet a guy you like, give it six months before you do the deed – then you’ll be sure you’re mating with the Right Person.  Right?

WRONG.  I mean, not wrong if you like that sort of thing.  Nothing much is.  But some of us – by which I mean me – like good sex even more than we like good conversation.  So if I meet a guy who presses all the right buttons, conversationally and intellectually speaking, but doesn’t press the one button that counts ‘down there’ as that Shades of Grey chick would say – we will never a great relationship make.

Whereas, if I meet a guy who wows me in bed, and is somewhere between 5 and 10 on the ‘other compatibility’ scale – that is, he may not be utterly brilliant, he may not like to have long conversations about death (my favourite topic), he may not read a hundred books a year, he may not understand the basic rules of Socratic dialogue – but hey, he’s cuddly and delightful – then this is what we call a Real Candidate.

And how do we pick a Real Candidate?  Not from a hundred paces, over coffee, locking gigantic intellects – but from up close, with all our clothes off, in the Scientific Laboratory of Love (otherwise known as bed).

And maybe it doesn’t work out.  Maybe he just pulls too many dumb faces on facebook, or believes in the Great Cosmic Cheese Monster, or likes to listen to Elvis (he does).  But the alternative – two people who like one another very much, stuck in a bedroom together with a micro-penis and a sexual connection that would re-freeze the Antarctic ice-caps – is worse.

About butimbeautiful

Rose has two blogs,, and Enjoy!

12 responses »

  1. I agree that if you want an emotional connection along with the other intellectual, physical, bla bla things, that you should wait A LITTLE, but six months seems a bit ridiculous. If there are any sparks, they’ll probably die by then. Besides, what normal guy will wait that long if he feels an attraction? He’ll most likely be fucking other women while friendzoning you… how fun is that? For me, I don’t prioritize one piece of the relationship over any other ~ the physical is just as important as the emotional which is just as important as the intellectual, etc. So, what the hell would be the point in spending six months making sure the friendship is solid only to find out the sex is bad? DUMB! (Just as dumb as basing a relationship only on the physical and then discovering a few months later that’s all there is.)

    • Well, yeah, I agree with that. Although for me, the physical is more important than the intellectual – though not more than the emotional. I can handle it if a guy is dumb but sexy – NOT if he’s mean but sexy.

  2. The nice thing about all the rules and generalizations of relationship guides is that they all fall apart in the specifics.

    What kind of measuring apparatus do you use in the scientific Laboratory of Level? Do you have that machine that goes PING!!! ?

  3. whiteladyinthehood

    Six months!? I always thought the rule was after the third date?

  4. I haven never recommended 6 months but only once you have established a committed relationship. If the things are going well a guy generally does not have a problem committing to a relationship after 6 or 8 dates.

  5. How do your children feel about you writing so openly about your sex life?

    • My son’s 19 and my daughter’s 16 so they’re not really children any more. That said, I only write about my sex life on this blog – which my kids aren’t aware of and don’t follow. I have another blog, which my daughter knows about, but doesn’t read – she gets enough of boring mum stories at home. My daughter and I talk about sex a fair bit – she as someone who’s never had it, me as someone who’s had a lot but still isn’t clear on the details! In our family, we’re pretty open about sexuality and there’s never been a sense that there’s anything wrong with it, however you express it. Still, I don’t go into specific gory details with her – that would be just bad taste!


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