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When you expect sand..

I’m the kind of person who’s always expecting to get sand kicked in her face.

So what I do is, I hang back from people.  I draw a line around them, at the point where if they do kick sand in my face, I’m too far off for much of it to stick.  Then if they say ‘nyah nyah, got you that time!’, I can pretend I didn’t hear, or they were talking to someone else, or that it doesn’t matter.

There are downsides to this.  The main one being, if anyone happens to come within the magic circle, I get irrationally anxious.  WHEN will they kick the sand?  WHAT if I’m not ready to jump back when they do?  WHAT if they start shouting nyah nyah, and I turn red and cry?  Crossing that line is a scary thing.

Hippy boy and me have run foul of the line several times now.  But I think he’s ok.  I don’t think he will kick sand in my face.  I trust him not to.  I MAKE myself trust, because it’s the only thing to do.  To me, it’s like walking into a lion’s den with my eyes open, because Daniel said it’s alright.  They’re pussycats really.

Does anyone else get this?

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11 responses »

  1. Not really, but then again, I’m more like hippy boy. I trust he will not kick sand in your face. That would be totally uncool of him!

  2. I get what you’re saying, but think that you need to find a way to let people into your magic circle. Yes, some people may hurt you, but others won’t and it’s those others that make it worthwhile.

    • Last time I let someone into the magic circle, he trashed it big time. But I’ve decided you’re right, I’m going to take a chance and be trusting. It’s really hard work, for me!

  3. Yeah, I get it.
    But what fun would it be if no one did get close enough?

    • Well it’s not so bad, I guess – I have a lot of fun on my own. But not nearly as much as I have with hippy boy, so yes, he’s in. Sorry for the diarising, it’s more for me than to entertain anyone!

  4. whiteladyinthehood

    Beautiful, I’ve been with my husband since I was 18 (and I’m 45) and if we ever went our separate ways, I’ve no doubt I would be terrified of getting into a relationship…in fact, I’ll be totally honest with you – I don’t think I would. (but I’m someone who has never experienced being independent so I’d like to think I’d be A-Okay with being single)..?? This man seems to really melt ya butter! I would never ever want to see you hurt, but maybe he is worth taking that chance with.

  5. Wow, since you were 18! that’s extremely romantic! Well, the fact is that hippy boy is a bit of a puzzle to me, I can’t believe that anyone as lovely as he is can be the real deal – but I’ve decided to just go with it. He says he loves me, I say I love him and I think I do, he’s keen as mustard and so am I – so I just have to try not to sabotage it. If it ends with a whimper, I’ll have had a beautiful time.


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