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Monthly Archives: April 2015

Is sex like having a finger stuck up your butt?

I could say, depends on the guy.  Sometimes it’s more like a whole hand…

But I’m not crude like that.  Kingmidget has just been to the doctor and been proctorally examined, and he wants to know, is THAT what it’s like for a woman to be, erm, penetrated.  Because if it is, no wonder we get so many headaches at sexy time.

So is it?  Well, like medical butt exploration, sex hurts to begin with, quite often. I don’t know what it is about the way we’re laid out inside, but it seems to me that when you stick a penis in a vagina, other things have to make room.  Things like bowels, and kidneys, and uteruses, and so on and so forth (she says, revealing a hazy knowledge of what lies beyond the abyss).  So I often experience a sharp pain (especially if I’m full of wind or dinner) and I gotta wriggle around to get rid of it.

Luckily, a gasp of pain ‘ahhh’ sounds a lot like a gasp of ecstasy ‘ahhh’ – so I’m the only one who knows that a whole set of internal organs is being shifted around like living room furniture to get out of the way of this oncoming train. And luckily, it doesn’t last very long – it goes pretty much as soon as I’ve moved the coffee table. Anyway, I know I’m not the only one – a couple of boyfriends have noticed that women flinch when they’re getting it hard from behind (nobody likes rough removalists).

And luckily, I actually enjoy the whole thing, once my body has got used to it.  Which is more than I can say for fingers in the butt (although I know afficionados are pretty keen).  If you want to know what sex is really like for a girl, Kingmidget, it’s like being stroked on your dick (only it’s inside out) and like sucking on a big honey-covered dummy (only it’s in your vagina and not your mouth – well, sometimes your mouth).  Mmmm!

That’s my experience, anyway.  What’s yours?