A couple of my favourite bloggers, Kourtney Heintz’s Journal, and 21st Century Love Triangle, have posted recently on a subject that’s kind of dear to my heart.
By way of intro, it used to be hard for me to even THINK about this subject without going red in the face and thinking about things like out-of-control giant car-crushers and putrid herpes. The subject in question is….the Other Woman!! Da DA!!
Jesse James and Kat Von D, who took over where Sandra Bullock left off. Aren't they a sweet couple?
Someone I like to call the Demon Ex could have practically filled a chorus line with Other Women. Some knew they were the Other Woman, but were happy to play second fiddle. Others thought they were coming in at the tail end of a dying concern. Others again thought they could probably outbargain the number One in an open market. What started with an indulgent shrug ended with long nights spent broodingly dreaming of mowing the lot of them – AND the Demon Ex – down with a sub machine gun.
Still as Kourtney quite rightly says, why blame the Mistress? SHE didn’t do you wrong. And why forgive the perpetrator, when HE’s the one who’s a great big squashed dog turd you’ve accidentally walked all over the house.
Well, for one thing, you LOVE the perpetrator. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t give a stuff where he put his doodle. In fact, when you think about it, it’s completely irrational that you care where he puts it in the first place. As the Demon Ex used to point out with nauseating regularity, why should anyone want to OWN his donger? (And indeed, why should they? It’s not like it was in good working order.) You don’t, on the other hand, LOVE the mistress, to say the least. So you’re not going to want to make excuses for her.
It’s still true that SHE didn’t owe you nuffin. After all, she isn’t the one who made promises. She isn’t the one who lied. And she usually has a pretty hard time on her own account, being ‘fitted in’ around time with the Number One Love Interest.
On the other hand, as 21st Century points out, women have a responsibility to do the decent thing by other women. The Other Woman may not be the prime mover, but she helps dig the hole. She contributes at the least to a deception, and at worst, to the destruction of someone’s heart and soul. How should she feel if her lover’s partner finds out and suicides? That’s the way the cookie crumbles? How about if his marriage breaks up and as a result he loses access to his kids? Not her fault? I guess not, but it’s not a comfortable moral position to be in, either. Besides, it’s not like single guys aren’t a dime a dozen, that you have to sucker onto the attached ones.
Ok, nobody likes to feel they’ve done something ‘wrong’ and most people will go to great lengths to justify whatever it is they’ve done, shrink it and massage it and discuss it and disguise it, until it kind of looks ‘right’. All the same, when we do something a bit crappy, the best thing really is to admit it and resolve not to do it again. Feeling ashamed and guilty is sometimes a signal to be heard and acted on, not something to be avoided. Thus we grow.
Luckily for gun totin’, crusher-driving ex-girlfriends everywhere, revenge is usually unnecessary, as inheriting the unwholesome attentions of the Demon Ex is punishment enough (on mature reflection).